How Loss Can Lead to Fear of Abandonment

Loss changes people. The loved ones in our lives are fixtures, part of the furniture of our everyday existence. They make up the social network that helps our lives flourish. When a loss occurs, it has many effects on a person’s well-being. One of the potential effects of loss is developing a fear of abandonment. Fear of abandonment can wreak its own kind of havoc. It’s helpful to know how to process loss well and handle the fears it could produce.

How Loss Comes to Us

Loss comes to our lives in various ways. Our world is broken. Through unforeseen circumstances, poor choices, a lack of certain skills, or life just being hard, we often find ourselves experiencing loss. All of us have, in one form or another, experienced loss, and it’s one thing among many that we share in common.

There are various ways loss occurs in a person’s life, and there are different kinds of loss. You could lose a loved one in death, but that isn’t the only way loss happens. A beloved person might move away, and you lose the relationship gradually. Loss also happens when a married couple separates or divorces, or when friends have conflicts that they aren’t able to resolve.

Another way that loss can occur is when someone, like a parent or caregiver, is physically present but emotionally absent in their child’s life. That emotional absence might look like not responding to the child’s needs, not providing the emotional support they need, or not giving them the mental and social stimulation they require.

Lastly, loss can also occur when the parent or caregiver is largely or entirely absent from the child’s life. It might be due to a variety of circumstances such as loss of custody; they chose to walk away from the child, moving to a different city, state, or country for work or simply to avoid responsibility; being given up for adoption; or separation through incarceration. In these and other ways, loss can come to us, and it can have many effects on a person.

The Impact of Loss

Loss will often harm someone, but that’s not always the case. If you’re in an unhealthy situation, for example, the loss of a loved one may be a relief as it can create an opportunity for healing and finding wholeness. Loss may be real, but the circumstances of it may not necessarily be detrimental.

Though loss isn’t always experienced as a negative thing, it will often impact a person emotionally, physically, mentally, and socially. Loss can lead to experiencing an array of emotions such as guilt, anxiety, anger, shock, and grief. A grieving person may experience a loss of meaning, purpose, or identity. It can also lead to cognitive difficulties such as lack of concentration, lapses in memory, and confusion.

Additionally, experiencing loss can affect a person physically. They may feel fatigued, struggle to fall or stay asleep, or experience a change in their appetite. Headaches, muscle tension, or stomach issues are a common problem. A person may also find themselves withdrawing socially, feeling disconnected from others, or find their relationships feelings strained. Another possible effect is developing a fear of abandonment.

Loss and Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment is when a person has a palpable concern that someone significant to them will leave, abandon, or reject them. Experiences of loss can trigger the fear of abandonment because those past losses make the reality of losing someone now or in the future feel more real. Losing someone can make you feel helpless and vulnerable, and it can also intensify the experience of loss.

When a person has experienced loss in the past, several things can happen to them, including the following:

Anticipating grief Even before loss occurs, one might anticipate it, and this serves to amplify the loss if it comes to pass.

Being hypervigilant Being afraid that you’ll lose a loved one can leave you in a state of constant anxiety and stress.

Self-sabotaging If you anticipate that you’ll lose someone, you might act in ways that end up undermining the relationship, leading to loss. For instance, you might pull away and avoid intimacy for fear of being hurt when loss happens, but the act of pulling away could be what ultimately damages the relationship.

The fear of abandonment can deprive you of the opportunity to enjoy relationships to their fullest, leaving you in a near-constant state of anxiety. To work through fear of abandonment, it’s important to challenge negative and untrue thoughts that drive behavior. It takes time and work, but it’s important to consciously process any trauma or loss you’ve experienced so that it doesn’t hinder future relationships.

Getting Help for Fear of Abandonment at Mansfield Christian Counseling in Texas

With help from a therapist or Christian counselor in Mansfield, Texas, you can learn how to practice better self-care and self-compassion, as well as develop your ability to regulate your emotions. You can nurture openness and healthy expectations toward relationships and overcome past wounds, so they don’t continue dictating your future.

If you feel ready to begin this journey, reach out to us today at Texas Christian Counseling, Mansfield. We will make an appointment for you with a trained therapist in Mansfield, Texas so you can begin dealing with your fear of abandonment.