This article is meant to communicate two things. Firstly, how to establish open communication with your teen. Secondly, how to maintain it. Both points may feel difficult or impossible, especially when we reflect on our relationship with our parents during our teenage years. But as parents, we must recognize that exploring boundaries is something our children have done since being toddlers and is perfectly normal, regardless of the teenage problems that arise.
Now that our teens are older and faced with greater and more toxic pressures than we were exposed to at the same age and stage, we must learn new ways to balance the risks to health and well-being they may be exposed to.
As parents one of our main jobs is to launch our children out of the nest and have them fly. As we give them more and more freedom in their teen years, and the curfews get later and allowances give them more disposable spending, we should make sure that we can check in with them in a manner that builds trust and honest communication. Teens need a platform to reveal their concerns, and a loving parent and family member is a good and safe space for this to happen.
Here are some ways we can support our children as they face typical teenage problems.
Make sure your communication is healthy to overcome teenage problems.
Communication is a two-way street. Not only will you speak with your teen, but you also have to listen to them as well. If they are taught that their job is to shut up and listen, then why would they share what is on their heart? If we keep interrupting them with solutions and instructions on how to run their lives it shows that not only do we not trust them to make their own decisions, but that we think they are incapable of doing so.
By successfully creating an environment where a teen can come to you and speak honestly to you, you are working on the solution in a meaningful way.
Make sure your relationship is a safe space.
Teens need to be in an environment where they do not feel judged and too intimidated to share their thoughts and feelings. Having a judgmental attitude toward your teen will not prevent their issue from starting. Once there is an issue it’s better to invest yourself in the outcome than express your judgmental attitude with sharp words and unloving behaviors.
Teens often struggle with self-image, anxiety, and depression. If they feel there is a stigma about mental health issues, and their inability to pull themselves up by their bootstraps is seen as a personal failing, they will be far less likely to approach you for help. Make sure to assure them that there is no shame in dealing with emotional or mental distress.
Help them to fall forward when facing teenage problems.
One thing that you have in common with your teen is that you both make mistakes. How damaging can it be then when a teen is told to be perfect and achieve a perfect record on the parent-grading chart or suffer the consequences? Yes, obedience is desired, but the nature of being an adolescent is to explore the boundaries of the world around them, including in their relationships with friends and family.
If teens know they will simply be punished for their mistakes and not have an opportunity to learn from them they will become better at not getting caught.
If they know it is okay to make mistakes and stumble, and that you will love them throughout, then they are more likely to reach out to you sooner and before whatever mistake they have made becomes even larger.
Remember that we rely completely on the grace and mercy we receive from Jesus Christ when we fall and His instruction to us is to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry. Modeling this relationship to our children points them to God as the only place where they will get lasting peace and love.
Help them understand it is okay to get help.
As a parent who shares a good and open relationship with their teen, you will know when your teenager is dealing with something more significant than usual. If you feel they will benefit from outside support, then offer to help them. You can encourage them to get in touch with the school counselor.
Christian counseling for teenage problems.
If you are looking for the type of help that teen counseling provides, then why not browse our online counselor directory, or contact our office to schedule an appointment? We would be honored to walk with you on this journey.
“Sitting on the Wall”, Courtesy of Frank Flores, Unsplash.com, Unsplash+ License; “Sitting on the Court”, Courtesy of Mike Von, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sitting Outside”, Courtesy of Amir Hosseini, Unsplash.com, CC0 License