Kate Motaung

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So far Kate Motaung has created 19 blog entries.

Are You a Perfectionist? Understanding the Effects of Perfectionism and How to Change It

, 2026-01-29T07:08:00+00:00January 29th, 2026|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

There is an age-old phrase that says, “Practice makes perfect.” This refers to the idea that the more you practice and work at something, the better you get at it. But will we ever be “perfect” at it? Even experts in any field are never perfect at something. They will never know all the answers or perform flawlessly, even when they excel and are at the top of the class. There is a more recent phrase that states, “Practice makes progress.” This implies that as we do something more frequently and work at it, we will get better, but it does not have an emphasis on perfection. Has anyone ever told you that you are a perfectionist? Or “Don’t be a perfectionist?” Maybe you don’t leave the office until the project or task is “perfect.” Perhaps you spend hours perfecting a presentation, only to feel it’s still not good enough. Maybe your son or daughter gets upset with anything lower than a 100 on a test or assignment. Perhaps you stay up late, not because you are a night owl, but because you want everything to be “just right” before you go to bed. Meriam-Webster defines “perfectionism” as “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.” Wanting to do things well and being a perfectionist are two different things. The tricky thing about the term “perfect” is that people have different standards for what is “perfect.” I can look at a drawing and say, “Wow, that’s great!” While the artist might say, “Well, I need to work on it some more.” Someone may compliment your hair, but after spending an hour fighting with it this morning to get it “right,” you still don’t feel it’s as good as it could be. According to Verywell.com The three types of [...]

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Aging in America – Part 3: Growing Old Gracefully

, 2026-01-27T06:52:58+00:00January 27th, 2026|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Getting older is a natural progression of life. As your body changes, you may find yourself slowing down or unable to do things you used to do. Instead of focusing on what you cannot do, focus on what you can do and explore new ways to do tasks. Eleanor Roosevelt stated that “...beautiful old people are works of art.” Works of art require skill, time, and creative effort. To age gracefully, you must be intentional in the way you think, believing you still have life to live and want to live it to the full. “But the godly will flourish like palm trees…Even in old age, they will still produce fruit; they will remain vital and green.” Psalm 92:12, 14 (NLT) To be graceful means to be agile, mirroring God’s character, an outward expression of divine grace which is pleasing to God and beneficial to others, allowing God to work through you by displaying forgiveness, kindness, and wisdom. God will give us strength and direction to achieve this if we look to Him. Although you may be in a different season: retired, empty nester, still working but burned out, divorced, widowed, whatever your story, you have purpose, but it may look different now. “My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.” Psalm 73:26 (NLT) Even though we change and grow, God is unchanging and faithful. I will be your God throughout your lifetime – until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. – Is. 46:4 (NLT) My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. – Psalm [...]

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Making and Keeping Adult Friendships

, 2026-01-17T06:36:06+00:00January 19th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Life is full and chaotic, and often adult friendships seem to be what is left behind. Adult friendships are rewarding and beneficial for our mental, emotional, and spiritual health, but can be tricky to navigate. Adult friendships look and feel different than friendships when we were younger. We have separate responsibilities and don’t want to bother others with our “problems.” We can also struggle to connect and trust beyond the surface level of work, kids’ sports, and hobbies. According to a 2024 poll by the American Psychiatric Association, “one-third of adults feel lonely at least once a week.” Relationships are a crucial part of our lives. God made us for relationships and connections. The most important relationship is our relationship with Him. The Old and New Testaments are clear that God desires to “walk with us.” Leviticus 26:12 says, “I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people.” 2 Corinthians 6:16 says, “What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said, “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” How much closer can He be than in us? God is always with us and will “never leave us nor forsake us.” (Hebrews 13:5) When it comes to friendships, we put up walls to protect ourselves from hurt. Walls can help us “feel” more protected, but they can also keep us from having a genuine connection with people and God. Your circle doesn’t have to be large, but you need a circle of support and friendship. This is true not just for what others can do for you in support, but also for what you have [...]

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Making God-Honoring Decisions

, 2025-10-24T05:48:41+00:00October 24th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

We make decisions every day, even every minute, without realizing it. We make decisions about what to wear, what route to take to work, what to cook for supper, when to do household chores, and how to do them, to name a few. These types of decisions are viewed as trivial, and the fear of making the wrong one is typically low. These decisions can easily be changed, and there are several right ways to do them. Some decisions in life are more permanent and less likely to be easily or frequently changed. Fear and Anxiety and God-Honoring Decisions Fear and anxiety in decision-making can be debilitating. Some will date the same person for years for fear that if they get married, it will be to the wrong person, or for fear of it ending in divorce. Some will struggle in a job and not apply for a new job for fear of it being the wrong job, the wrong company, or not enough pay or stability. Anxiety is the fear of the unknown. We will continue in something that is not best for the sole reason of it being the known. Remind yourself that the unknown becomes the known relatively quickly. When you start a new job, it is the unknown, and after you have been there for a few days or months, it becomes more and more known. We want to make the right decision and want it to be so clear that we can’t make a mistake. A billboard or writing in the sky would be nice and clear, but where would our faith be if that were how God communicated to us about His will and direction in our lives? Decision-making takes multiple parts of the brain. The brain is a meticulously designed machine that [...]

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Aging in America, Part 1: Planning for Late Adulthood

, 2025-09-12T06:36:52+00:00September 12th, 2025|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Young adulthood is comprised of people 19-40 years of age, middle adulthood is 40-65 years of age, and late adulthood, or mature adults, are 65+ years of age. According to 2022 statistics, those sixty-five and older are the fastest-growing age group (17.3%) in America, comprising 57.8 million people, which is a 34% increase since 2012. The population under sixty-five increased by only 2% in the same period. This increase is attributed mainly to the baby boomer generation (born between 1946 and 1964), who began turning sixty-five in 2011. America is aging. Aging is a part of God’s plan. As stated in Scripture, “People are like grass; their beauty is like a flower in the field. The grass withers and the flower fades.” 1 Peter 1:24 (NLT) As we age, changes occur physically, emotionally/socially, and cognitively, and while some aspects cannot be controlled, many may be made easier or eliminated by being proactive. Aging is a unique process, and various factors contribute to aging, including genetics, lifestyle, stress, and attitude. Many people do not give thought to aging when they are in their twenties, thirties, or even forties. Often, we wait until these changes begin before we consider developing healthy habits. Adjusting our lifestyle is an individual’s responsibility – no one can do it for us. Understanding and recognizing the changes associated with aging can help you prepare to reduce your risk of disease and disability by developing healthy habits today. Areas to develop healthy habits earlier in life include physical, emotional/social, and cognitive. First, you must understand the changes that occur in each of these areas as you age. Physical The brain shrinks Slower motor behavior which begins in middle adulthood, ages 40-60. Includes decreased muscle strength, flexibility, coordination, and balance. Poor sleeping, which contributes to falls and lower cognitive [...]

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Understanding Dementia and How to Help

, 2025-09-11T12:04:55+00:00September 11th, 2025|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

What is dementia? Dementia is an umbrella term that encompasses other cognitive declining disorders. These include Alzheimer’s Disease, Vascular Dementia, Lewy Body Dementia, Frontotemporal dementia, and mixed dementia. These different cognitive declines exhibit multiple overlapping symptoms and progression, but there are some variations. According to Webster, dementia is “usually a progressive condition marked by the development of multiple cognitive deficits (as memory impairment, aphasia, and inability to plan and initiate complex behavior).” The Early Signs It is easy to dismiss it as stress or age-related. It is critical to begin addressing it when you see the signs. Your loved one may say things like “I think I am losing it.” Or “Why can’t I remember things like I used to?” You can start the conversation by discussing their concerns and what you’ve observed, and then get a professional evaluation. It could be stress, physiological causes, or purely age-related, but you won’t know until there is an official evaluation by a professional. Whether the person with signs realizes it consciously or not, a natural tendency to cover up occurs when others are around, so it can take some time for others to notice it. It requires spending more time with them and watching their behavior. Research shows that untreated hearing loss is connected to dementia and other cognitive decline. It includes cognitive overload, neural atrophy, and social isolation. As we age, hearing decreases, which in turn affects what our brain processes and how it is stimulated. When our brain is not being used in a certain way, it loses the capacity to function in that way. AARP lists fifteen warning signs of dementia. Short-term memory loss Word loss Difficulty multitasking Repetition Personality Changes New Sleep Behaviors Worsening Sense of Direction Depression Confusion about time and place Difficulty with visual perceptual tasks [...]

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Aging in America Part 2: The Sandwich Generation

, 2025-08-29T06:16:01+00:00August 29th, 2025|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

In early adulthood (ages 18-40), we are focused on finding a mate, establishing a career, starting a family, and building our social circle. In middle age (ages 40-65), we are raising teenagers, establishing and maintaining our economic standard of living, and adjusting to the changes that come with aging.In older adulthood (age 65+), we enter retirement, experience deaths of family and friends, slow down physically and cognitively, and possibly need to depend on others.One in seven, or 15%, of middle-aged adults will provide financial support for both their parents and children – the older the parent (80+), the more emotional support that is needed. Two-thirds of older adults live with family members, while one-third live alone. 80% of older adults have living children, and daughters are three times more likely to assist aging parents than sons.Our society is experiencing an increasing number of people who are caring for their parents and dependent children simultaneously, which is referred to as the sandwich generation. Many Americans find themselves juggling a job, their parents, and children, including bounce-back kids who return home after a divorce or college. Also, many parents care for or raise grandchildren.Factors contributing to the rise in the sandwich generation include longer life expectancy, having children later in life, the baby boomer generation now being 60-79 years old, and increased support for children over the age of eighteen.Dual caregiving is emotionally and physically demanding, as I found myself in this role several years ago, and I was unprepared for what this season of life would encompass. My journey began on a regular day with my mother’s fall and her broken hip, then, a week later, my dad’s diagnosis of liver cancer, coupled with homeschooling our youngest, and graduate school for me.Although I was fortunate to share the responsibility with a [...]

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Understanding Suicidal Ideation and Self-Harm and How Counseling Can Help

, 2025-08-28T08:50:49+00:00August 28th, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Featured, Individual Counseling|

The topics in this article are sensitive in nature and are brought up in sessions quite often. Some clients are really hesitant to bring this up out of fear or embarrassment. This is true for Christians as well. In this article, I aim to provide you with some information so that you will better understand what you or someone you know is struggling with and will have a better understanding of how counseling can make a difference. These actions are an attempt to deal with something emotional. When we are in physical pain, we know what to do. If you have a headache, you take a pain medication, and if you have a cut, you put a Band-Aid on it. But with emotional pain, there is no Band-Aid or pain medication to fix, relieve, or cure it. We sometimes attempt to look for ways to escape. Someone begins to struggle with suicidal ideation or self-harm when that load becomes unbearable. What is suicidal ideation? According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of “suicidal ideation” is “the act of thinking about or a state of preoccupation with ending one’s own life, the act of considering or planning suicide.” What is self-harm? “The act of purposely hurting oneself as by cutting or burning the skin as an emotional coping mechanism.” I believe some ways are used for self-harm that may not initially feel like harm or be seen as a problem. How does counseling help? Counseling provides a safe place to talk about and work through personal thoughts that are difficult to share with friends or family. Increase your awareness of contributing factors Assist you in gaining healthy coping skills and stress management Support you through it. I have developed a number scale to assist me in determining where clients are in their [...]

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How to Improve Your Sleep and Why it Matters for Your Mental Health: A Look at the Effects of a Lack of Sleep

, 2025-07-19T07:06:45+00:00July 15th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

We can often recognize when someone else has not slept well by observing their physical appearance, energy level, and mood. It is often evident to observe parents of newborns or toddlers who are sleep-deprived. A lack of sleep affects us more than just leaving us tired. When my kids were young, my husband would say, “Naps are wasted on children. They don’t want them but have to have them, and we want them and can’t have them.” Oh, how would we love to have a nap now and then. The National Institute of Health and the National Center on Sleep Disorders agree that we sleep or attempt to sleep for one-third of our lives. That is how crucial sleep is to our health, both physically and mentally. Understanding Sleep To better understand a lack of sleep, we need to understand the stages of sleep. Stage 1: Light sleep. This is a short stage, usually not more than 5% of your total sleep, which begins right after you fall asleep. Stage 2: Deeper sleep. This stage is deeper and makes up about 45% of all the time you spend sleeping (this number goes up as you get older). Research indicates this stage is key in memory storage and learning. Stage 3: Deepest sleep. This stage makes up about 25% of the time you spend sleeping (this number goes down with age). There’s evidence that this stage is the most important for how your body recovers and maintains itself because the brain prioritizes this stage in people with sleep deprivation. It’s quite hard to wake someone up from this stage, and they’ll usually feel foggy or confused for up to thirty minutes after waking up. REM sleep: REM stands for “rapid eye movement.” This stage is when you dream. When a [...]

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How Loss Can Lead to Fear of Abandonment

2025-11-26T12:41:17+00:00April 14th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Loss changes people. The loved ones in our lives are fixtures, part of the furniture of our everyday existence. They make up the social network that helps our lives flourish. When a loss occurs, it has many effects on a person’s well-being. One of the potential effects of loss is developing a fear of abandonment. Fear of abandonment can wreak its own kind of havoc. It’s helpful to know how to process loss well and handle the fears it could produce. How Loss Comes to Us Loss comes to our lives in various ways. Our world is broken. Through unforeseen circumstances, poor choices, a lack of certain skills, or life just being hard, we often find ourselves experiencing loss. All of us have, in one form or another, experienced loss, and it’s one thing among many that we share in common. There are various ways loss occurs in a person’s life, and there are different kinds of loss. You could lose a loved one in death, but that isn’t the only way loss happens. A beloved person might move away, and you lose the relationship gradually. Loss also happens when a married couple separates or divorces, or when friends have conflicts that they aren’t able to resolve. Another way that loss can occur is when someone, like a parent or caregiver, is physically present but emotionally absent in their child’s life. That emotional absence might look like not responding to the child’s needs, not providing the emotional support they need, or not giving them the mental and social stimulation they require. Lastly, loss can also occur when the parent or caregiver is largely or entirely absent from the child’s life. It might be due to a variety of circumstances such as loss of custody; they chose to walk away [...]

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