Couples Counseling

Couples find themselves arguing over small disagreements continuously, but what does that mean? Are the issues really pet peeves, or is there an underlying issue that needs to be addressed? Emotionally focused marriage therapy addresses those patterns and helps couples break the cycle so they can move forward and continue to communicate on a deeper level. What is Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapy? Emotionally focused marriage therapy, also known as EFT, helps couples resolve conflict by identifying patterns and getting to the underlying issue. The underlying issue could be a want or need. For example, the client may withdraw from their spouse’s touch, which angers the spouse. But the client’s withdrawal may stem from jealousy toward their spouse’s coworker or feelings of inadequacy. How EFT Works EFT helps couples to pause and identify the pattern so that they can break the emotion-fueled cycle. They learn to address the underlying problem by being direct and vulnerable. Each person leads with a statement that informs their spouse how they feel. This statement in emotionally focused marriage therapy is worded in attachment language, such as, “I miss our talks, and I’m worried that we are growing apart,” instead of, “You are never home!” Patterns and Cycles – Couples begin to identify the patterns and work to break the cycle by addressing the real emotion. Underlying Emotions – Underlying emotions and fear can cause miscommunication. Emotionally focused marriage therapy uncovers these emotions and helps each person develop attachment-language statements. Behavior Change – Couples learn how to speak to each other and express their vulnerabilities. Studies have shown that as many as 90% of couples have shown significant improvement after treatment. Counseling sessions can last for 8 to 20 weeks, depending on your situation. Tips for Getting Started with Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapy A Christian [...]

If your relationship seems to be floundering, and you find yourself wondering, “How can I save my marriage?” this article may be for you. Marriage requires effort, commitment, open communication, and regular maintenance. Love alone is not enough to overcome the trials and challenges that accumulate over time. Traits you may have found to be endearing in your spouse when you first met may become annoying. Things like adding children to the family, financial stress, and the busyness of life can all contribute to a relationship that feels disconnected and in need of repair. Prevention comes in the form of healthy habits. This includes addressing problems promptly when conflicts arise and being clear about what you really need or want, rather than assuming your spouse knows what you need or want. “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” (Ephesians 4:2, NLT) Expressing gratitude toward one another, finding ways to have fun, laughing together, and being willing to give and take are also foundational. Saving a Marriage in Crisis There is no instant solution that will fix everything overnight. Change will occur if both you and your spouse are committed to the process, stay engaged even when progress feels slow, communicate openly and empathetically, and are willing to do whatever it takes to mend the relationship and approach things in a new way. The following are some practical steps that can make a difference. Acknowledge the struggle The first step is to acknowledge that something is not working and resolve to take action to repair it. Do you feel disconnected from your spouse? Is communication challenging? Do you feel you are sleeping with your enemy? Take ownership of your part Recognize the issues that are creating conflict [...]

Love and marriage are many things – complicated, beautiful, hard, and joyful. Each marriage is a world unto itself, and the couple in that relationship are shaped profoundly by it for the rest of their lives. There is no doubt that when God gave marriage to humanity as a gift, it was a good gift intended for our good. However, we would be naïve if we didn’t recognize that our lives beyond Eden makemarriage a complicated gift that takes deft hands to handle. In a sense, a healthy and successful marriage can be boiled down to a few things. Mignon McLaughlin once stated, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” Falling in love must often be deliberate because many things conspire against enjoying one’s spouse and continuing to delight in them. We can find many pointers in the Bible about marriage and how best to handle this gift. Bible Verses about Love and Marriage How do you feel about yourself? We often have complicated relationships with our bodies, but a healthy relationship with ourselves will often entail taking care of our bodies, appreciating what our bodies can do, and avoiding unhealthy comparisons between our bodies and those of others. That idea can help couples consider an important aspect of what the Bible says about married life. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one [...]