When Christian Divorce is Inevitable

Divorce may feel as though your world has been shattered and your life has come to an abrupt halt. It can affect your sense of self-worth and identity. Divorce, especially for a believer, is often considered more painful than losing a spouse to death.

What does the Bible say about it?

There is only one written law about divorce in the Bible. It was given to the Israelites by Moses to protect the women of that day. It protected them from being arbitrarily discarded by their husbands and left destitute without any means of support, and from the shame of social stigma that went with divorce.

This law allowed a man to write his wife a certificate of divorce if she did not please him, leaving her free to marry another man (Deuteronomy 24:1-2). He could not just send her away without it.

In the New Testament, when the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus into providing a black-and-white answer as to where He stood on this Old Testament law regarding divorce, Jesus told them that it was never what God intended.

“Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6, NIV

When they further pressed Him as to why then Moses commanded that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce, Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. – Matthew 19:4-8, NIV

Biblical grounds for a Christian divorce

In Malachi 2:16 we read that God hates divorce. He hates it because of the hurt and destruction it causes, and the damage it does to the people He loves. However, even though divorce is always contrary to God’s intentions, in certain instances He allows it to protect the vulnerable spouse.

Adultery

Jesus specifically mentions adultery as permissible grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32). When the spouse guilty of sexual immorality is unwilling to repent, the spouse who has been betrayed is not required to stay in the marriage.

Abandonment

When one spouse is not a Christian and deserts his or her Christian spouse, the biblical advice is to let him or her go (1 Corinthians 7:15). You cannot force someone to stay in a marriage with you if he or she does not want to do so.

When Christian divorce is inevitable

Divorce tears a family apart. Christians should do everything possible to remain faithful to their marriage vows and work through the difficulties to rescue their union. However, there are times when despite prayer and counseling, it is inevitable. In some states, for example, if one spouse files for divorce, the other one cannot stop it from happening.

Following are some ways you can make the effects of the divorce less destructive, especially if there are children involved.

Prioritize the needs of the children

• Unless the parent living elsewhere is violent or abusive, he or she should remain as involved as possible in his or her children’s lives.
• Parents should never pit their children against each other, forcing them to take sides or belittle the other parent.
• Parents should be supportive of their children’s relationship with the other parent.
• Children should not be used as messengers, or to spy on what the other parent is doing.
• Children should never be used by one parent to hurt the other parent in any way.
• Parenting arrangements should be practical and focused primarily on what is best for the needs of the children.

Use a Christian family lawyer for negotiations

• In 1 Corinthians 6:1-6, Paul exhorts Christians to take their disputes to people within the church rather than to unbelievers.
• If you cannot reach a mutual agreement about issues such as the division of property, seek arbitration rather than going to court.

Counseling can be a highly effective tool for helping you navigate your way through the healing process. It can provide needed support from an unbiased professional who understands what you are going through and can offer wise counsel from a Christian perspective.

If you would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at Mansfield Christian Counseling, please don’t hesitate to give us a call.