12 Ways to Make Your Marriage Christ-centered

Whether you and your spouse are new Christians or have followed Christ for many years, it can still be unclear what a Christ-centered marriage looks like. Having a Christ-centered marriage goes deeper than believing in God. It requires more than simply believing and showing up. To make your relationship Christ-centered, follow these steps.

Commit today to place Christ first in your relationship

Regardless of how you have centered your relationship in the past, begin today by focusing on Christ. This commitment is for both of you individually and together as a couple. In every decision, obstacle, joy, and struggle, look to Christ for direction. Then remember the line from the movie “Facing the Giants”:

If we win, we praise Him. And if we lose, we praise Him. Either way, we honor Him with our actions and our attitudes.”

I have always said, “It is easier to praise Him in the good times,” but the more I have thought about it, the more I realize it is just as difficult, because when things are going well, we tend to take the credit instead of giving it to God.

It is important to focus on Christ in both the good and the difficult times. If we only seek Him in the difficult times, is He really the center of our lives? We don’t talk to our best friends only in difficult times, so why should our relationship with our Creator and Heavenly Father be any different?

Be actively involved in a Christ-centered and biblically focused church body

Scripture calls us to “not forgo coming together.” Being involved in a church body is what God calls us to, and it gives us other believers to walk beside us through all seasons of life. I am thankful for technology, which allows me to watch a service when I am under the weather, but there is nothing like corporate worship and hearing God’s Word taught by the pastor behind the pulpit.

There is nothing like singing together as a body of believers that you can’t get in the comfort of your home. This gives us a glimpse of Heaven. Serving, giving, and worshipping together with your church “family” are a blessing. Being active isn’t just about showing up and sitting in the pew; it’s about finding ways to be involved in ministry, small groups, outreach and evangelism, bereavement, the food pantry, and youth or children’s ministry.

Be an example for your children by being involved and making it a household rule to attend and be involved. Take your children and youth to their age group events and Bible study groups. Statistics show that if a child is involved in the church before they are eighteen, they are more likely to continue after leaving the nest.

Pray

Prayer is not just talking to God but having a conversation that involves listening, not just asking. Pray for and with your spouse. Ask each other regularly how you can pray for them. This is a great way for them to open up their heart to you in a way they may not do if you just asked: “How are you?” Here are a few things to pray for.

• Pray for health and protection
• Pray for their salvation (if not already) and pray for God to use them in their “mission field”
• Pray for focus at work and home
• Pray for their relationships (coworkers, church, friends, and others they meet)
• Pray for clear communication and understanding of each other
• Pray for what stresses them and what is bothering them

Read Scripture together and/or talk about what you are reading and how God is working in your life

Be a family that reads Scripture, talks about it, and memorizes it. After church, talk about the lessons and sermons. What stood out to you? What did you feel God speaking and convicting you about? What did you learn?

Make decisions together with the priority of honoring God, being obedient to Him and His Word

Some decisions seem so simple we don’t need to pray about them. All decisions need prayer. When we make big decisions like job changes and moves, we pray. What about where you will attend church, where your children will attend school, and what should your role in the church be?

Encourage each other to share your faith with others

When you are out together as a couple or family, do you find ways to share, pray, and help others? Do you see a need and meet it? We are not always able to help someone financially, but there are other ways to encourage and minister to others. Find ways to encourage, pray for, and serve others.

Hold each other accountable for your daily walk and growing in your faith

Periodically ask each other what God has been working on you about and/or teaching you. Hold each other accountable for daily reading, studying God’s Word, and prayer.

Find places of service together in your church and/or community

Minister together. It might be at your church, in your neighborhood, in your kids’ sports, or at their school. Find ways to support each other in ministry. You don’t have to be a paid staff member at a church to be ministering to others.

Your husband or wife may be coaching a community league; support them by building relationships with the players and their families. Host a Bible study from your church at your home together; invite someone who doesn’t have family close by to join your family for a holiday meal; or invite a couple or family over after church or to join you at a restaurant to get to know them better.

Prioritize your relationship in all aspects of life

Friendships of the same gender are important for mental health and, as Christians, for encouragement and challenge from the body of Christ. Time with friends should not take priority over time with your spouse. Communicate and plan for time together.

Christ-centered relationships are not perfect but should be an example to others about love, grace, forgiveness, and companionship

Would other couples see you as an example of love, grace, forgiveness, and respect? Find a younger couple, dating or engaged, that you and your spouse can meet with once a month to share life with and encourage in their relationship and faith.

Honor your vows

Here are the traditional vows,

“I, [Name], take you, [Name],
To be my wedded wife/husband,
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Till death us do part.”

When we recite these or something similar to each other on our wedding day, we really have little to no idea what this entails. It is a daily commitment. Our vows are not just for the hardest of days but for every day. It is not just for physical health but mental and emotional health as well.

Our vows are a commitment between a bride and groom and to God. Honoring the vows involves keeping the promise “to have and to hold,” “for better or for worse,” and “in sickness and in health.” Keep the vows not just when you feel like it, but whatever life brings you.

Serve one another

As Christians, we are called to serve, and that begins in the home. Seek out ways to serve each other on a daily basis. Be observant of each other’s stressors, struggles, and joys. Offer to take something off their plate or just do it. When they have had success or an accomplishment, celebrate it with them.

How can Christian counseling help couples put Christ at the center of their marriage?

Christian counseling can walk with couples as they work on these areas in their relationship. When couples address struggles like communication, work/life balance, finances, parenting, intimacy, and other daily stressors, counseling assists in the process of healing and helps them to focus their lives back on Christ.